For me, relationships, romantic, or platonic,
begin and end with personality. Physical appearance factors in only in that it
can give me a brief overview of certain habits that help give me an initial impression
of a person. When it comes to romance, this becomes even more important.
Society has certain expectations in regards to relationships that puts a strong
emphasis on keeping the same partner for life. While that standard has loosened
up a bit over the years, we still look unfavorably on promiscuity. Since over
time, our looks will change, and we will become less attractive, compatibility
in personality really needs to be the standard by which we choose our partners.
10 years ago I would have been more accepting of
Duck’s theory. Having started a relationship with my wife from over 600 miles
away, does however throw a little bit of a wrench in the social cue portion of
the theory. With the advances that we have made technologically in the last
decade, physical proximity is not as much of a factor as it used to be. People
are able to meet and build relationships over long distances, and then decide
whether the next step is worth the change in location.
In my younger and stupider days I had eliminated
someone based on a pre-interaction cue. Later, after that person and I had
become very good friends, I made what I would call a foolish mistake by
reconsidering that elimination in the hopes that it would affect a decision
they were making that would impact our relationship. In the end they were more
mature than I was and made sure that I didn’t go too far and ruin what to this
day is my most treasured friendship.
I like how you touched on the topic of proximity. I am curious though with our technological advancements, how does one adapt to the technological aspect of life and personality with each other. What I mean is that did you notice any personality differences with what was presented to you via web? It just seems like it is hard to see and meet someone for exactly who they are over the web. There have to be a couple things here and there that are misinterpreted. However I could be wrong, those are just my first questions that arise when partaking in meeting someone over the web, or six hundred miles away.
ReplyDeleteThere will always be people who msirepresent themselves online. But I also find that percentage wise I meet the same amount of people in person who misrepresent themselves. It's a matter of volume I think. In social situations, whether virtual or not, we tend to try to put ourselves out there in ways that people will find acceptable. That's part of the human condition. It takes time and effort to get to know who my neighbors, classmates, and co-workers really are. The same is true of people I meet online. The difference is that I can meet a vastly greater number of people online, than I can at a local bar or club.
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